Daddy Boot Camp

"I learned that I can have four beers and still successfully care for a baby!"

I wish that wasn't quoted...

I wish that wasn't a quote stated by my husband...

I wish that wasn't the first thing he said about the class he took: Boot Camp for New Dads...

But it was.

At least the class was free.

I joke. 

Not about the quote, he really did say that.

I joke because I really do think he got a lot of good out of the class.

The description of the class states that "Veteran" dads share firsthand advice with expectant dads and bring their babies to enhance the new fathers' experience. 

Based on that description this is what I had pictured:

A room full of "veteran" dads who have their babies, each one is paired with a "rookie" dad who then gets to spend some time one-on-one with the veteran dad and the baby.  Rookie dad gets to hold, feed, and practice changing the baby's diaper.  Veteran dad eases the fears of the new dad by telling him that he will figure everything out with experience no matter how little "baby time" he has had up to this point. 

That's not exactly how it went.

There was one "veteran" dad.  With one baby.

There were about 10 "Rookie" dads.

They sat in a circle and passed the baby around so that each new dad could hold the baby.  They discussed many different areas of having a baby.  Here are some of the things he learned...

~  Do not complain about the house not being as picked up and organized as it was before.  (That would mean that the house would have actually been picked up and organized before there was a baby...)

~  Don't shake the baby.

~  It is ok if your wife tells you that you aren't holding the baby correctly or changing the diaper exactly the way she does for you to tell her, "It's ok, I've got it" (Ethan interpreted that as to tell me to "Go away...").

~  You don't need carry-on luggage, equipped with wheels and puller, as a diaper bag.

~  You shouldn't speed on the way to the hospital, but if you do get pulled over, the cops will usually look the other way (after telling you to be careful...)

~  Umbilical cords are tough to cut (Ethan will not have to worry about that...he's definitely not going to be touching, or even looking at anything remotely bloody...)

~  New dads should be the "bouncer" of the delivery suit.  Invited guests only! 

~  The 5 S's of quieting a baby:  Swaddling, Shhhhh-ing, Swinging, Side positioning (laying the baby on his/her side while you hold him/her), and sucking.

~  Prepare your pets for the new baby (more applies to indoor pets)

~  Make lots of silly faces at the baby so she can learn to copy your movements.  Anyone who knows my husband, knows that making silly faces comes naturally to him and I expect Jackie to have that same skill.

~  Due to a baby's poor vision it is recommended that you have a big screen TV.  Veteran dads highly recommend the biggest screen possible.  (Ethan was delighted at this...we've got that covered)  BUT WAIT...THERE'S MORE.  A study has been done over men who watch football with their babies on big screens.  Apparently football is good to watch with babies because of the contrasting colors in the uniforms and the rational reoccurring patterns that occur with all the different plays.  Ethan is now planning on giving Jakie a head start in school by spending many Sunday afternoons downstairs watching football with her on the movie screen.  I'm ok with it because that means Sunday afternoons I'm free to do as I please!

~  While the women have the typical baby shower, Dads can throw their own 'Beer and Diaper" bash.  Bring a package of diapers...get free beer.  (Ethan has amended this idea to an "I don't know "Jack" about diapers party", and will be mixing Jack and Cokes for all the guys who bring diapers).

All in all, I think it was a productive day in the sense that Ethan came out of there with some good advice, some questionable advice, and some of his fears calmed. 

I still don't know if the beer quote is true, or something he just made up to get a reaction out of me...