Life Lately at Weber Haus

It's been a hot minute since my last post. I have so many started and not finished, it's almost funny. Time just keeps eluding me. Life is moving in hyper speed and here I am just hanging on trying to drive it while I'm over-caffeinated and sleep deprived...all while trying to take in special moments and not lose myself on the things that aren't important (like...who needs a vacuumed floor, right? Ha.)

Needless to say, as the twins have recently turned 7 months, I felt like it was a good time for a full update on life around here and what it looks like more than the cute pictures and short phrases on Facebook. So, buckle in with a good cup of coffee (or wine if that's the appropriate drink for the time of day you're reading this) cause here we go. 

A note to start...In no way is this blog post meant to be me signaling for help, sympathy, or concern...I'm just trying to be as honest as I can about how I'm feeling and life so I can remember this time. Because like I said...it's FLYING by and there's one thing I know about parenting, is that we tend to forget the details of the "trenches" and fawn over the sweeter memories. I want to be reminded of the details. 

The Good. 

I am incredibly happy and thankful to be able to spend time at home with my babies during this renewed phase of our parenting. I always wanted to be a stay home mom...but as I fell in love with teaching and we were able to plan our first four children in a way that allowed me to continue teaching, I put that desire out of my head. Clearly, God still sensed that desire in my heart as he provided the unexpected opportunity to do just that. To be home with my kids. And, along with it being an absolute necessity at this time, I am in love with it. I love that I get to watch the big kids get on the bus, I love the conversations with AJ in the car on the way home from preschool, and I love the time throughout the day to get things done. Some days I get more than others...but it's still WAY more than if I was trying to be both mom and teacher. 

The big kids are really great help with the babies. I will admit, the "fun" of it has worn off a little, but they still love to make the babies smile and giggle and are helpful at feeding, playing, and watching over them when I need it. I love watching Izzy's face light up when Jackie gets home from school. And little Gabe has the biggest smiles for Billy and Kat when they try to tickle his neck. Being able to see the big kids love their baby siblings so much, is truly a joy. 

Gabe and Izzy continue to prove to be happy, healthy babies who make our family whole. It is hard to imagine life without them. No matter what crankiness they may have, they're always coming back with smiles and coos to melt our hearts again and again. They really are great babies. 

But they are babies. And with babies (especially two) there come challenges. 

Challenge #1: TWO Babies

After having four singleton babies and then twins, I can say with pretty high confidence that, two is harder than one in almost all senses of the word. Seems like a "duh" moment, but it's true. Our most difficult baby was still so much easier than two. With everything. Everything. Even if the twins are "good babies" (Good babies still cry, struggle with sleeping/eating, and need everything provided for them.) 

Two babies bring the challenge of the logistics of two. Everything is harder. The obvious...diapering, feeding, sleeping. But also the not so obvious, but still make things harder. Bath time, holding babies, putting them to bed, leaving the house with or without babies, going to a school activity, doctor appointments, getting a haircut. Simple errands become big ordeals of organization and time management. I knew it would be hard to leave the house...but I never factored in how hard it would be for even ME to leave the house alone. I have to make sure Ethan is home or whoever is here is comfortable with handling two babies. Jackie and Kat can handle them for a bit...but my errand better be as fast as it can be. No time to wonder the isles or stop at Starbucks for a coffee. In and out as quick as possible. And then even when all those dominos are in place and I can actually leave...I have to still want to, which is something else I didn't expect. Many times I just don't have the energy. It's easier to stay home.

Challenge #2: The Age Gap 

I know what you're thinking...isn't having older siblings, capable of helping, a bonus, not a challenge? In some ways yes, but in other ways it creates some major difficulties. For one. They're busy, and not even THAT busy compared to other kids. We allow them to do ONE thing at a time, and it has to be "rec" or YMCA type. No travel or club ball here. We just don't have time time/money to spend on that. (I could write a whole blog post on that subject...maybe I will, just not today).

A unique situation I've come across is that most online communities, blogs, and medical advice focus on the majority of twin families having twins and stopping or maybe having one other sibling. Very few, if any, have large families to go along with their twins (and if they do, they're not online posting about suggestions). I can't just devote my entire day/time to caring for the twins. I have other things to do, that HAVE to get done. This isn't the "snuggle the babies, leave the dishes" type of situation. Kids HAVE to eat, so I HAVE to make dinner. I HAVE to do dishes or we don't have utensils (seriously, how many spoons can we go through in one day?!?!) There are many other examples of things that have to be done. Not doing it, isn't an option. Period. So I can't just sit and snuggle my day away. I have to be productive whenever given the chance. The big kids help throughout all of this, while we also try to balance their ability to be "kids" and enjoy the nice day, playing with neighbors, and videogames. 

One thing that seems to be communicated in one way or another, is that if you don't attend all your kids' functions and cheer them on, they won't think you ever supported them and that they possibly don't love you at all. (I may be exaggerating a tad...but the pressure as a parent to attend everything for our kids is REAL.) We've had to back off that. I hate the disappointment in Jackie's eyes when I tell her one of us won't be able to come to her band concert at the end of the year because taking twins to a crowded gym for a band concert (at their bedtime) sounds about as much fun as having a root canal. The babies' bed time is between 6:30 and 7:00 right now and the big kids are just heading to sports practices and beginning homework at that time and begging to play outside with the neighbors. 

Ethan and I said, early on, that having these babies didn't mean our big kids' lives would stop. They still get to do their "thing." It may just mean that they have to catch a ride with a friend or only have one parent there to cheer them on. Hopefully they know how much we love and support them, even if we're not physically there in the stands.

Challenge #3: Sleep.

Have you ever been so tired that your eyes burn and your arms tingle as you try to raise them? I hit that stage a couple weeks ago. We have been STRUGGLING with getting these kiddos to sleep consistently. I made the mistake earlier this week and thought..."well, it can't get much worse..." Izzy MUST have been reading my thoughts and countered with a "oh yeah...hold my bottle." 

You know what's worse than one fussy baby crying at night. Two of them crying at the same time. I do my best to try to get to the fussy baby before he/she can wake the other. This goes against all sleep advice of  "let the baby fuss for a bit" before tending to him/her. I've tried letting them both "fuss/cry it out" and that resulted in 3 out of the 4 big kids coming in to my room at 2 AM to tell me the babies are crying and they can't sleep either. So "Cry it out" isn't an option either. 

Currently Izzy will not sleep longer than 2 1/2 hours at night. (last night she was up every hour and a half). Gabe will sleep in 3 hour stretches at night, but likes to be WIDE awake randomly from 2:00 AM to 4:00 AM. Up by 6:00 every day. Izzy will sometimes make it to 7:00...but rarely. Naps are 45 minutes to an hour (if I'm lucky). Some nights I see every hour on the clock. Those are increasing. Next we add in teeth FINALLY breaking through the surface of Gabe's gums. But that means more sleep interruptions, early wake ups and short naps. 

I have read everything out there on sleep training (mostly for single babies and families with 1-2 kids) and it's just not something we can commit to. It requires a pretty regimented schedule and sleep routine, which is pretty much impossible for our home at the moment. Sleep consultants, like to tempt tired parents with "THE trick to get your baby to nap" headlines and then "pay me $500.00 for me to tell you the strategies that I used with both my kids...AND your baby will STILL go through periods of not sleeping well...because ALL babies go through various phases." - - Sheesh! Don't EVEN get me started. 

Our problems are unique to us and they are temporary. I know this, but it doesn't make the exhaustion any easier. I'm grumpy and have no energy beyond the MUST do's around our house. I WANT to go for walks and enjoy the few nice days we get here. I WANT to organize my closet. I WANT to take AJ to the park with the babies. I WANT to start exercising and lifting weights...but right now I just can't do it. I'm tired. I want to be in a better mood during breakfast when AJ seems to have all the energy in the world...and the volume to go with it. (no coffee can prepare your for his energy at 6:30 AM). 

It WILL get better...I will sleep again one day... For now, it's just how things are. 

I have a teacher friend who, after hearing my stories from home (with only four kids mind you), would jokingly say "you're a walking advertisement for birth control." HAHA!

The thing is...it's much easier for people to understand the funny situations and statements kids say and the difficulties than it is to explain how a baby smile or laugh can make up for an entire day (or night) of hardships. 

The good things, the feel-good things, don't come at a one-to-one ratio with the challenges. That's why when we're older...we miss our kids when they were little. Because the good things stick with us. Those cuddles, laughs, and sweet memories are at the forefront of our thoughts while we lose track of the number of times we were spit up on, changed a blow-out diaper, or weeks of interrupted sleep and exhaustion. There is so much more good that comes with babies, kids, and large families. It's just hard to convey those feelings aloud. 

Seven months in, Weber Haus is doing good, filled with laughter and love, and is exactly where we are supposed to be. Mama's just also tired. :) 

The Twins' Birth Story

I initially started blogging years ago more as a digital journal than anything else. Things I want to look back on an remember (and sometimes cringe at). This is no different. I want to be able to remember details that time may erode from my memory. 

Also...while I was pregnant, especially in the last long few weeks, I searched and read every twin birth story I could find. I want to make our story available to other twin families looking for another story to help ease stress or just simply pass the time. I also looked for post-partum recovery/life stories as well. (That blog post is coming too)

First some information that may seem important. Our due date was October 14th, which marks 40 weeks pregnant. We knew from the first appointment that I wouldn't go further than 38 weeks with twins. That date would have been September 30th. We marked that date as the "date of induction" (in our heads only...we never got far enough to actually schedule it). From the start of the 3rd trimester, we kept an eye on any signs of early labor, but there wasn't ever any concern or sign that I would have the babies early. My past pregnancies were all either "on time" or scheduled inductions. We knew with twins there is a higher chance of early labor, but I had no real signs pointing to that. 

35 weeks pregnant pic (4 days before labor)

On my 35 week appointment my doctor was delivering a baby so I saw his PA. No biggie, I love her! We were doing the Strep B test, and she offered to check my cervix. I think 35 weeks is a little early to usually check, but with twins and no more than 3 weeks until babies would be here I figured we might as well. 

Turns out...I was already dilated to a 6. Yup. Just walking around already over halfway ready to deliver a baby and still no real true signs of labor. I was having these odd Braxton Hicks contractions, if thats even what we'd call them. In the middle of the night, I would hurt, like a light contraction for like two hours straight. But since they didn't come and go in regular intervals, I never worried about them too much. The PA was ready to send me to the hospital, but I asked her to wait and see what my doctor said. I wasn't having contractions and I know they would send me home if I wasn't progressing. So I went home and waited to hear from my doctor. I did call Ethan at work to let him know that there was a possibility that we'd be heading to the hospital tonight. 

And if not tonight...it would probably be soon. 

The doctor told me to keep a close eye on how I was feeling and if I had more than two contractions in an hour to head to the hospital to get checked. I asked him about those "long Braxton hicks" and he said if the pain got any worse to head in. Better to be over cautious than deliver twins at home. In the meantime, I was to sit and relax in my recliner and watch a lot of Netflix. Ugh. Boring. But necessary. We were hoping to make it another week. 

Ethan was supposed to be heading to Kansas City on Saturday for a family wedding, that everyone but me was going. So, he cancelled his plans, and we called my mom as a "just in case" something happens we have someone here for the big kids.

Thursday night, in the middle of the night, I had another one of those long Braxton Hicks...but it wasn't more painful than before. Ugh! There is nothing that makes you distrust your body more than trying to decide if it's time to go to the hospital. I probably changed my mind 47 times from 1:30 AM until 4 AM. Finally I decided that we would head it to have me evaluated, but I would probably be back home in time to wave to the kids on the bus. The logical thinker in me finally made the decision based on traffic. We have construction on pretty much every major road in and out of Wichita right now, and I figured we could be to the hospital and back (when they inevitably would send me home) before traffic would be crazy. In my mind we'd be home in time to see the kids off from school.

At the hospital they checked me and I was still at a 6, but all other factors were ready to go. Baby A was SUPER low, fully effaced, and light contractions that were showing up on the monitor. They decided to have me walk laps around the maternity floor for about an hour while we waited for my doctor to finish up an early morning surgery. 

The walking got things moving. But the weird thing was, I never felt what you would call a regular contraction...especially for someone progressing from a 6 to an 8 in labor. It never really hurt, it was more like intense pressure in my lower back...like I could feel them moving lower and lower. After the hour of walking I was dilated to an 8 and we were going to have some babies today! It was about 8:00 AM at this point and everyone was expecting the babies to be here by 10. But I stalled. Stayed at an 8 for four more hours. 

At 12:30, Ethan got the OK to go grab some lunch quickly and he headed out, while I watched reruns of Friends and tried to nap a little. I had my epidural probably by 10 AM so I wasn't feeling anything really. 

At 1:00 the nurse checked me again, and now we were ready to roll...I called Ethan, who was in the parking lot just walking up to the building. It was time to go. I would deliver in the operating room in case surgery was needed, but both babies were head down and we were hoping to do be able to deliver both vaginally, as I had with my four other babies. If things mirrored those deliveries, it would go quickly with very little pushing. 

They got everyone dressed and ready as they wheeled me around. I knew the room would be cold and there would be many people, from different departments there...but I didn't realize just how many. That room was full. The hospital is a teaching hospital, so each group of professionals had a WSU nursing student in the room too. There was my doctor, another doctor, NICU doctors and nurses for each baby, a nurse for me, anesthesiologist...and probably 6 students.  All plus me and my husband. (I totally could have said no to the students, but I am...or was a teacher...and the learning process is so important. Plus, they'd get to see twins delivered!)

Time to push for Baby A, Gabriel would be first. One good push and he was out! He was ready to go! They briefly showed him to me and took him to the table to be evaluated by the NICU team, and it was time for Isabelle. I was not prepared for how quickly I would push for her. I figured there would need to be some time for her to get in place, but 4 minutes later (and 2-3 pushes) and she was out too. I got to snuggle her skin to skin while they finished up with Gabe. I'm so thankful I got that time with her, because she would end up needing to spend some time in the NICU so her lungs could finish maturing. I will have an entire post dedicated to her NICU stay and what that was like. 

Baby Gabriel snuggles

Baby Isabell snuggles

Babies Stats: 

Gabriel: 5 lbs. 10 oz born at 1:33 PM

Isabelle: 5 lbs. 8 oz born at 1:37 PM

Gabriel, Ethan, and I went back to the recovery room while we waited for me to gain the feeling back in my legs. I was able to nurse him and get something to eat. I also experienced intense shaking in my shoulders, which the nurse told me was due to the hormones and changes my body just went through. I shook so much that I was sore the next few days. Crazy! I was able to eat and feed Gabe and Ethan was able to go to the NICU to find out information on Izzy. She would be there a little while, but that's information for later. 

Daddy and Gabriel

Mommy and Gabriel

Daddy and Isabelle

Gabe and I stayed two days in the hospital as we worked to make sure his blood sugars would regulate. We went to see Izzy often in the NICU and had a few visitors before departing on Sunday afternoon. Isabelle would stay another week, and I'll talk more in detail as to what that was like. 

As previously, with my other babies, I really enjoyed my experience at St. Joseph hospital in Wichita. I absolutely love my doctor and all the doctors I've seen at Ascension Via Christi and I will always recommend them for labor and delivery!

The "Weight" of Pregnancy

Sigh. 

I know that many women my age often look back on their high school and college days and wish we were that size...when at that time we thought we were "fat." Crazy how time, perspective, and confidence change as we get older. It's a good change...but crazy!

But that doesn't always make things easier. Pregnancy always brings up fears and insecurities when it comes to weight gain and the attempt to lose the weight after baby. 

I had found myself in a pretty good mind set when it came to body image and weight as I approached 40. I was consistently active, my current clothes fit, and I had a decent balance to healthy nutrition and enjoying happy hour and date nights without feeling guilty. I still had a good 15-20 lbs. of "baby weight" added to my pre kid days...but at the moment I was ok with it. I wasn't willing to give up everything that was needed to lose it. And that's ok. 

Then I found myself pregnant again. 

With twins. 

Sigh. 

Pregnancy weight for me with my previous singletons ranged from 35-45 lb. gain. My anxiety with pregnancy weight goes all the way back to my first two pregnancies and the doctor I was seeing at that time. She was a good doctor, and I didn't have any issues with her initially. But as time went on she would always bring up the fact that I was gaining more than the recommended weight for my BMI. 

When I was at my 2nd appointment, pregnant with baby #2, my doctor brought up the fact that I had gained 8 lbs. since my last appointment. No account taken for time of day, what I was wearing, and that I had just finished a cleanse before the previous appointment. I left feeling deflated and determined to make sure it wasn't an issue at my next appointment. 4 weeks later and I was so relieved that I had only gained ONE pound. Her concern. That I had already gained 9 total. Sheesh! I thought, I can't win with you. And... I wouldn't have to. She was giving up the OB part of her practice and I would be switching to a new doctor. A man. 

I was nervous to meet with him the first time and have him see how much weight I had gained. But at this office they weigh you in kilograms. Unless you are REALLY good at math or specifically Google the conversion, you don't have to know how much you weigh. That was a good start. (Of course, I Googled it then...but still, a good start). The doctor came in and he looked at my chart. 

I still remember his exact words. 

"Blood pressure looks good, weight good, iron levels good.  How are you feeling?" 

That's it. That is the only thing he ever said about pregnancy weight gain. I cannot tell you how relieved I was and how much better I felt after that appointment. There was never any concern with my weight, ever. It was so different than what I had experienced before. 

So, finding out I was pregnant with twins initially brought up some old anxieties with how much weight I would gain. The twin websites all say that the expected weight gain for twins should range from 37-54 lbs., and I usually find myself on the higher end of weight gain ranges. I already gained the "twin weight" with singleton babies FOUR times. Sigh

But maybe it's my "advanced maternal age" or the fact that we have so much else going on during this phase in our journey, or just knowing the little attention my doctor and his staff has paid to my pregnancy weight gain in the past... I decided not to worry about it. 

Easier said than done. 

But, for some reason (again...advanced maternal age?). It has worked. I haven't weighed myself every day (or even every week), I haven't Googled the conversion from kilograms to pounds. I know where I am, but it doesn't bother me. 

I will say, my body seems to just be doing what it's supposed to do. I'm feeling exactly the way I should feel at this stage of a multiple pregnancy. I'm tired. I don't sleep well. I need frequent breaks. I can't breathe well. I hurt. 

But...I can function through my day. The laundry is caught up, the kids are fed and the floor vacuumed (an almost daily necessity thanks to the dog and living on a dirt road). I've learned to make adjustments to our weekly dinner menu based on how I feel, and my kids have been great about helping pick up things around the house...especially anything that might make be bend over to pick up off the floor. Things just take me a little longer to complete. I have good blood pressure, I haven't had much swelling, and the babies are growing just as they should.

All in all, I'm feeling goodish. We have 7 weeks max left before the little babies are here and I have a whole new world to try to figure out! 

August 1st and A Different Side of Summer

Today is a day I've been waiting for. August 1st. 

It holds no real significance, but it's the day that I've been anticipating since I turned in my resignation letter in May. August 1st is usually the day that I go back to work in my classroom. It's not the "required reporting day for teachers," it's just always been my way of finding a balance between my two "jobs" over the summer. I always went back to school a week earlier than required. This allowed me to enjoy all of June completely "school free" and dabble in some planning ideas and tech stuff when I felt like it in July (some years I did more than others). But August 1 found me usually dusting off my desk and organizing my classroom space so I can prepare lessons and activities for the new year. 

I've been waiting for this day because I'm usually ready. I'm excited to be back. To breathe life into the new lessons I've brainstormed and to get ahead of the game, so I felt confident and ready when the new crop of students walked in my room. I loved the quite solitude of my classroom, which was a direct change from the loud chaos of life at Weber Haus.

When I resigned in May I was completely at peace with the decision. But that's May. May is a hard month for teachers (and especially hard for teacher moms who have school obligations on both the teacher and kid side). It's easy to feel confident about a decision to walk away from one of the two things that are literally burning the candle at both ends. 

But would I be as confident in August? When the excitement and passion for teaching are at its peak? Would I still be at peace with the decision? 

The answer actually surprised me a bit. Yes. I'm just as confident and happy with the decision to stay home as I was in May. In fact, I've experienced very little-to-no stress at all. It's strange. 

I mean I am pregnant with twins so there are other things keeping me busy and exhausted, but I really never knew about "this side" of summer. 

The side of summer that didn't dread the 4th of July because that meant the downhill slide towards the end. 

The side of summer that didn't see me forced to try to get ALL the appointments for the kids and myself done that first week of August. I have time to spread it out. I have the flexibility to get things accomplished when the kids go back to school. There's no "end date" on my productivity at home (which is a good thing because it seems to take me three times as long to get tasks done these days).

The side of summer that I wasn't trying to figure out daycare for the first week I'd voluntarily go back and the next week of required meetings. 

The side of summer that doesn't force me to balance my required open house, in-services, and back to school supply shopping with kids' and "meet your teacher nights."

The side of summer that allows me to still take my kids on mini vacations, the pool, and do fun activities with them for two whole weeks in August. 

The side of summer that I don't have to try to sneak a look at curriculum mapping, assessments, and reaching out to new teachers to welcome them. 

Don't get me wrong...I did enjoy doing a lot of that, but it did come with a price. A price I'm just now learning about. A stress that I don't think I truly realized was so much a part of me that I had grown so accustomed to it. I didn't even register it as something that could go away.

Will I miss teaching? Parts of it. The kids. Goodness I've had the opportunity to be around some awesome teens who definitely give hope for the future and make the work better. I'll miss specific lessons that I've created and loved teaching. I can't think of my "Migrant Mother" or "Strange Fruit" lessons without feeling sad that I won't get to lead those this year. I'll miss the collaboration sessions with my colleagues when we take and idea to fruition. I'll miss the fun gatherings at the local breweries with the staff after parent/teacher conferences and before football games. I'll miss the quite classroom I would sit in and grade or tidy or create when I needed to get out of the house just to "be alone." (mom's get it.)

But I also know, without a doubt, that I am incredibly thankful that I don't have to try to get ready for a day of teaching when I can barely make it through the first 3 hours of my day without "sitting for a quick rest." I'm so happy that I've been able to spend my summer just focusing on family and not creating another "maternity leave binder." I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be at this point in the journey, and that peace is comforting. I love that I get six weeks to prepare for life with twins while my big kids start school. I love that I didn't feel like I had to have everything ready for babies by the time school starts. I still have time. And that time is a huge blessing.

Here's to two more weeks of pool time and a slower-paced start to a new school year. Cause by October...life will look VERY different! 

Pregnancy: Singletons vs. Multiples

I am learning so much being pregnant with twins. I've had babies before, been there, done that. But this is different, and some the same. I thought it would be an interesting post to compare the experiences between having one baby (singletons) and twins (multiples). Plus, one of the most common questions I get asked is "is there a big difference between pregnant with one and pregnant with two?"

I would say, that the biggest difference, at this point, is timing. Everything just happens sooner. In all of my pregnancies I have struggled to sleep. With each one the struggle just happened sooner. I can remember when I was pregnant with AJ (fourth one) the struggle to sleep really hit around Thanksgiving time. With three months to go and with Jackie (our first) the last month was a struggle. With the twins...I haven't had a good night sleep since the end of April. I always say that I sleep better with newborns than pregnant (better, not more). Currently at 27 weeks pregnant a typical night will see me wake up 6-9 times, little to no REM or deep sleep, and maybe 4 hours of total added together sleep. (And that's not an exaggeration...I now have a watch that tracks it)

Belly Growth: I was actually surprised at how long it took for me to start showing or needing to wear larger clothing. I figured with twins it would happen sooner...but instead it was closer to week 14 or 15 before I could really tell. But where there was a difference... rapid change, not gradual. I went to work on a Friday with my regular jeans on, no real problem and on Monday I couldn't button them and had to wear leggings from that point on. I definitely "popped" and it seemed to happen overnight. Now, right at the start of the 3rd trimester I feel huge...and I still have a good 10 weeks to go! The babies are moving constantly and our older kids are LOVING getting to feel them wiggle and kick!

Morning Sickness: I count myself very lucky that I didn't experience much consistent nausea with my other pregnancies. I would have little moments here or there, but nothing that was constant. Twins was a different story. I felt like I was going to throw up all day (but only did a handful of times). This lasted from about week 9 to week 15ish. And I was not a fan. 

Ice Cravings: Give me ALLLLLL the ice in our freezer. That is all. 

Food Cravings: I don't really have any specific cravings other than fruit. I want my sugar to come from fruit. Don't get me wrong...I will still have a slice of cake, but I don't crave it like I want grapes and watermelon. There is a cutoff though. I have to be done eating really early in the evening. I need to be eating by 5:30 at the latest right now. I'm sure as I get to the biggest part of my pregnancy where those babies are taking up even more space, that time will only get earlier. It is the most bazar thing to not be able to lay down to sleep because you still haven't digested your dinner you at 4 hours ago. This includes drinking water too. I get so thirsty at night, but can't drink because if I lay down to sleep the water will literally come right back up my throat and I'll puke. 

Exhaustion: This is probably the #2 worst symptom that I experience. It's embarrassing how little I have to do to need a break and sit down to rest. Or how just walking up the stairs makes me breath heavy like I just did a workout. I know...I know...I'm growing two tiny humans inside my belly and it's all understandable...but still very weird to get used to. I'm not THIS out of shape, but boy do these babies make me feel it. The lack of sleep doesn't help matters either.

Chronic Nasal Congestion: And here we are with my #1 pregnancy problem. My nose...or at least one nostril is stuffed close at all times. When I FINALLY get relief and it clears out, the other side soon clogs. It's maddening. And nothing works. There's no pill that relieves it and no spray that clears it. This happens throughout the day and night (which may be more of my sleeping issue than trying to find a comfortable position or having to pee all the time). I am constantly fighting with my nose. It hurts and is unbelievably annoying. I had this with my first pregnancy (Jackie), but it hadn't made a repeat appearance since. All the twin information I've read said it's more common with twins because of the hormones and blood flow needed for two babies. 

Since my first baby I haven't ready up each week tracking growth and progress, but with two I've done my fair share of reading up on what to expect with the pregnancy, birth, and life with infant twins. One thing that I seem to keep running into is how it seems that so many of these twin bloggers either only had twins and stopped, or just had one other child. I am finding it difficult to find people in similar situations as our family dynamic. Four older, very active, kids who are on the go. All the "sit and rest" and "take a nap" advice doesn't really work when you're running kids from swim practice to eye doctor appointments and the four-year-old asks for another drink/snack/anything the second your close your eyes. When I think about anxiety about having twins, it's not the babies that really cause me to worry about handling it all...it's ALL of what we already do as a family of 6 and adding two more to that mix. I know we'll figure it out...but a lot of the advice and suggestions out there don't work for us. I'm sure there will be more on this topic later...maybe I'll be that person who has suggestions for families like ours. 

For now, I'm going to go chomp on some more ice cubes before I pass the point of the night when I can't drink anything. It is amazing how after birth these symptoms of frequent urge to pee, not being able to eat late, and the stuffy nose just seem to disappear overnight. Which is a good thing...because I'll be busy enough with the things that replace it! 

Twin Story: Finding Out

It's not every day (or ever??) that a priest laughs at you while in the confessional...at least not aloud. 

Yep. Happened to me. 

Allow me to explain.

Every time I tell this story I start out with... "2023 came in as a HOT mess." I just kept telling Ethan that this would be a time we would look back on our story and talk about how crazy it all was. But in the midst of it...there were (and are still) times it was very difficult, for both of us...for a variety of reasons. 

At the end of January we found out that Ethan (along with many others at NetApp) would be laid off in a companywide (global) reduction in force. This was something that always sat in the back of his head and a fear. Things had been good, for the most part, during the pandemic, but lately the tech world was struggling. This brought on all kinds of conversations about where we might end up. We didn't want to move (hellooooo interest rates) but knew it may be a possibility. Other than telling family, we kept this pretty close to home and didn't share the news to many. He started working to update his resume and LinkedIn while I did my best to try and be supportive in any way. I did tell my administration that there may be a chance that I'd have to leave due to moving locations if it came to that. I didn't want them to be surprised. 

A week later, as a way to "rule out potential stress" I took a pregnancy test. I didn't really think I was pregnant. I figured I was stressed and getting older so my cycle was a couple days late. I didn't have any symptoms, just wanted to rule it out. 

Positive. Needless to say, my stress level didn't decrease. So many thoughts and decisions...all with teaching and parenting made for a difficult time emotionally. The devil definitely kept trying to poke his way into my thoughts. 

February became this blur of "what ifs" and "maybes", and I am a type A planner who likes to know what's ahead...or at least plans for various scenarios that could possibly occur. All while Ethan was interviewing, weighing options, and feeling his own stress of providing for a future family of 7. And lots, and lots of praying. So much praying. My go-to prayer that I would mutter throughout the day was "Lord, if this is your will, help provide the way. Help me to see how we are to do this." 

I finally called the doctor's office to schedule my first appointment, but timing was against me as it was spring break and most of the OB's were out of the office that week. So I scheduled an appointment with the PA for the Tuesday after spring break. Sometimes as a working mom it is easier to be a little late to school (my planning period is 1st block) than it is to figure out childcare during a break. We have done the initial pregnancy appointment quiet a few times, so I told Ethan not to worry about coming with me. He was busy shadowing a new job he was set to start in April. 

By this point I was far enough along that they could do a sonogram to see baby. The PA got it all set up and there was baby...moving and looking perfect. Heartbeat was good. Then she said...

"Hmmm...there's something over there, it's probably your bladder, but we should look at it just in case"

My immediate thought was Oh my God it's a tumor. 

Nope. Not a tumor. 

Another perfect, wiggling little shape that looked very similar to the first shape. And then she got them both on the screen side by side and said "Do you see what I see?"

I said, "Holy shit" and fell into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. I couldn't stop. 

Then I went downstairs for some lab work, but ended up having to leave before it was my turn because I still had to go teach the rest of the day. My planning period would be up and I had three blocks of high school social studies to get through, and no real way to get a sub or come up with something for them all to do in 10 minutes. So I went and taught that day. What I taught, I have no idea. I am sure that I made adjustments so that whatever students were doing it was independent work that didn't need a lot of direct instruction from me, but I can't remember. The whole day was like a blur. 

Ethan sent a text shortly before I got to school, "How was the appointment?" 

There was NO WAY I was sending him twin information in a text. For one, I wasn't sure if he'd believe me. And two...as I've already explained, 2023 has been filled with unexpected information and I wasn't sure how he would react to the news, while he was shadowing a new job he was about to start, and HOURS before we would see each other again in the evening. 

So I just responded with "Looks good. Heartbeat strong. Measuring 11 weeks. There is more to tell you when I see you." 

I finally saw him later that evening, and after what felt like forever, found him alone to tell him. I could hardly get it out...the giggles came out again. 

"Well, I know now why I've been feeling so sick with this pregnancy... There are two." 

"What?"

"We're having twins." 

And here's where he saves the day. This response right here made me relax and feel 1000 times better. This is why we are such a good balance to support each other, because I don't know if I could have handled anything else. He said...

"You've got to be shitting me," then he laughed, threw his hands up and finished with "God has something planned for us." And we both laughed more. Essentially, we both had very similar initial reactions to the news. It took so much heavy worry off my shoulders when he didn't react with frustration, worry, or fear. I'm not sure I could have handled that. 

So by the time I get through this story with the Priest and I say, "And then, Father, we found out we're having twins." 

He laughs. Aloud. "Oh! I'm sorry...I don't mean to laugh!" 

It really was ok! That was my first instinct too. I couldn't blame him. God's timing is perfect, it forces us to turn to Him and lean on Him through difficult transitions. It requires faith. 

Father ended by saying that he believed this was God's way of bringing us closer to Him, leaning on Him, and experiencing that through an incredible blessing, as He continues to show us the way to live a life we didn't expect or plan, but one that will lead to unexpected love. 

Our Rock

I'm 23 weeks pregnant with twins today, Father's Day. This will bring us from 4 kiddos to 6. I still feel like there are times when we just sit in disbelief that this is our reality. Twins? Us?! Seriously?!? Now?!?!

Then, the next minute I find myself so beyond thankful for this unexpected blessing. Just because life is taking a turn we didn't plan or or expect, doesn't make it the wrong direction or a bad road to travel. 

But I know one thing for sure. I wouldn't want anyone in the drivers seat, leading the way than my husband, Ethan. He is, and has been the best leader I could have prayed for. And for him to continue driving so strong in a year that has been so challenging says more about his perseverance, character, and faith than anything else could. 

He's our rock. 

He has somehow found that wonderful balance between provider and involved father. 

He does the first day of school drop off and pictures. Every Year.

He plays catch and pitches balls to little batters. 

He helps pick out birthday and Christmas presents. 

He does the weekly grocery shopping, AND takes the boys with him!

He works long hours to provide me the opportunity to become a stay home mom while the twins are little.

He reminds me when bills need to go in the mail. 

He keeps tabs on our debt, credit scores, and safety. 

He suggests pizza nights when I'm too tired to cook. 

He makes sure the kids help clean up the kitchen. 

He sets up the projector and pops the popcorn for movie nights. 

He wears a tie to Mass every Sunday and pokes and prods kids to remind them to sit, stand, kneel, or sing. 

He loves a good date night with a bourbon or beer flight and spending hours and miles on the pavement on his bike.

He's not perfect, non of us are. But I am so thankful that he is the perfect one to fill the role of husband and father of our Weber Haus. I mean...there's not many father's out there that are so good at their "dad job" that they get promoted from "father of four" to "father of six" in one shot. You gotta be good at your job for a promotion like that! :)