The "Weight" of Pregnancy

Sigh. 

I know that many women my age often look back on their high school and college days and wish we were that size...when at that time we thought we were "fat." Crazy how time, perspective, and confidence change as we get older. It's a good change...but crazy!

But that doesn't always make things easier. Pregnancy always brings up fears and insecurities when it comes to weight gain and the attempt to lose the weight after baby. 

I had found myself in a pretty good mind set when it came to body image and weight as I approached 40. I was consistently active, my current clothes fit, and I had a decent balance to healthy nutrition and enjoying happy hour and date nights without feeling guilty. I still had a good 15-20 lbs. of "baby weight" added to my pre kid days...but at the moment I was ok with it. I wasn't willing to give up everything that was needed to lose it. And that's ok. 

Then I found myself pregnant again. 

With twins. 

Sigh. 

Pregnancy weight for me with my previous singletons ranged from 35-45 lb. gain. My anxiety with pregnancy weight goes all the way back to my first two pregnancies and the doctor I was seeing at that time. She was a good doctor, and I didn't have any issues with her initially. But as time went on she would always bring up the fact that I was gaining more than the recommended weight for my BMI. 

When I was at my 2nd appointment, pregnant with baby #2, my doctor brought up the fact that I had gained 8 lbs. since my last appointment. No account taken for time of day, what I was wearing, and that I had just finished a cleanse before the previous appointment. I left feeling deflated and determined to make sure it wasn't an issue at my next appointment. 4 weeks later and I was so relieved that I had only gained ONE pound. Her concern. That I had already gained 9 total. Sheesh! I thought, I can't win with you. And... I wouldn't have to. She was giving up the OB part of her practice and I would be switching to a new doctor. A man. 

I was nervous to meet with him the first time and have him see how much weight I had gained. But at this office they weigh you in kilograms. Unless you are REALLY good at math or specifically Google the conversion, you don't have to know how much you weigh. That was a good start. (Of course, I Googled it then...but still, a good start). The doctor came in and he looked at my chart. 

I still remember his exact words. 

"Blood pressure looks good, weight good, iron levels good.  How are you feeling?" 

That's it. That is the only thing he ever said about pregnancy weight gain. I cannot tell you how relieved I was and how much better I felt after that appointment. There was never any concern with my weight, ever. It was so different than what I had experienced before. 

So, finding out I was pregnant with twins initially brought up some old anxieties with how much weight I would gain. The twin websites all say that the expected weight gain for twins should range from 37-54 lbs., and I usually find myself on the higher end of weight gain ranges. I already gained the "twin weight" with singleton babies FOUR times. Sigh

But maybe it's my "advanced maternal age" or the fact that we have so much else going on during this phase in our journey, or just knowing the little attention my doctor and his staff has paid to my pregnancy weight gain in the past... I decided not to worry about it. 

Easier said than done. 

But, for some reason (again...advanced maternal age?). It has worked. I haven't weighed myself every day (or even every week), I haven't Googled the conversion from kilograms to pounds. I know where I am, but it doesn't bother me. 

I will say, my body seems to just be doing what it's supposed to do. I'm feeling exactly the way I should feel at this stage of a multiple pregnancy. I'm tired. I don't sleep well. I need frequent breaks. I can't breathe well. I hurt. 

But...I can function through my day. The laundry is caught up, the kids are fed and the floor vacuumed (an almost daily necessity thanks to the dog and living on a dirt road). I've learned to make adjustments to our weekly dinner menu based on how I feel, and my kids have been great about helping pick up things around the house...especially anything that might make be bend over to pick up off the floor. Things just take me a little longer to complete. I have good blood pressure, I haven't had much swelling, and the babies are growing just as they should.

All in all, I'm feeling goodish. We have 7 weeks max left before the little babies are here and I have a whole new world to try to figure out!