The Reality of a Working Mom

As I attempt to figure out this ever-changing balance between working full time as a teacher and doing all the things that motherhood require I have come to this realization.

Most of the time my kitchen looks like this...

A majority of the school year my desk looks like this...

In a perfect world I would be both a night owl and an early bird.  I would have a spotless desk at school and grading would be up-to-date and my lessons and activities in the classroom would be top-notch.  My kitchen would be clean, laundry folded, and I would read books, play dress-up, and make crafts with the girls.

But that's not my reality.

My reality is constantly trying to decide what is the most important thing for me to do at each individual moment of the day.

That means the majority of my time at school is spent researching, developing, and reflecting on lesson plans, activities in class, or long-term projects I want my students to create.  The flip side of that is, I am constantly behind on grading and my desk top is both neat and organized four days out of the school year.  The first day, day after Thanksgiving Break, day after Christmas Break, and after Spring break (that one's a maybe...).  I can stack the piles of papers to appear to be neat when I have a sub coming, but that's just for show.

I have attempted to address grading in a different way so that the assignments I grade are ones that are really worth the time I spend.  I attempt to do very little at home.  I have to have a separation between my school life and my home life.  I take stuff home to grade every weekend.  I rarely do it.

At home I fight a constant battle of clutter and dishes.  The girls are just starting to get old enough to help a little and actually do it well.  There are days where I make them help me unload the dishwasher, pick up clothes and toys off the floor, and wipe down counters and bathrooms.  I really try to have them involved in this aspect of living at home, this way they grow up with it as a reality and it's not a shock when I ask them to fold towels as teenagers.  I do admit, at times, it is just easier and faster for me to do it by myself, and that does happen.

But I also want to play with them, read them stories, and enjoy them at this young, silly, carefree age.  I know it's not going to last, I know that when I say "I can't wait for them to be more independent" that the day will come when they are independent and I'll be wishing for the little pitter-patter of their feet running in to tell me another "great idea."

It's a balance.  Things have to be sacrificed.  I'm learning to live with a little clutter and a messy desk in order to spend time with the more important aspects of each job I have.

I'm a work in progress.  As are all mamas, daddy's, and families.

Standing in the Kitchen

For as long as I can remember, I would stand and eat in the kitchen.  I'd hold a bowl of cereal or a plate of eggs and lean back against the counter while I scarfed down my food.  Usually too fast.  

My mom hated it when I did that.  

"Go sit down and enjoy your meal at the table, you don't need to stand."

I don't know why I liked standing in the kitchen to eat.  I just did.  

Now I know.  

It was foreshadowing. 

To life with kids. 

This morning I attempted to sit at the table and eat my breakfast. 

And the following ensued. 

I sit down with my eggs and oatmeal.

Katerina:  "Can I have a bite?"

"Bite pleeeeaaassseee???"

No.

"Want a bite" (in an attempt to crawl on my lap)

Ugh...OK.  One bite and then go away.

Jackie:  "Mommy I want can I have some breakfast please?  I want eggs and sausage."

Katerina: "Me eggs too please!"

Ok...I'm just warming some up that were leftover.

Sit back down to my breakfast...good thing it was too hot to eat right away.  

Katerina: "I have boogies.  Need keenex"

Get up to get Kleenex and wipe a yucky nose.  

Sit back down to breakfast.

Katerina: "This spicy, need drink.  Juice mama..... please"

Get up to get sippy cup of juice left over from yesterday.

Sit back down to breakfast.

Katerina:  "Juice all gone.  More please."

Ugh!  Get up again, fill juice cup.  "Jackie do you want juice?"  (Trying to predict the next question.)

Sit back down and finally finish breakfast.

-------------------------------------------

This is why I stood up to eat.  It was preparation for motherhood.  If I would have stood in the kitchen to eat that breakfast, I wouldn't have had to share bites, and I would have been right within arms reach of all the items the girls required in the early AM.  

Lent. An Opportunity

As a kid, Lent was always a time when we would "give up stuff."

I didn't really understand the true reason why.  In elementary school, I knew it was something we did for church.  Middle school, I still knew it was for church, but it was also a challenge.  By high school I had grasped the concept that it was supposed to be a sacrifice.  That's about it.  Church and sacrifice.

Now that I'm an adult and have wrapped my brain (and heart) more around my faith, I understand it better.  It's not just 40 days of giving up stuff.

It's an opportunity.

An opportunity to improve your life.  To become more like Christ.  To better yourself in any way.

Here are the opportunities I am seizing these 40 days:

The opportunity to grow in my calling as a wife and mother.

I am giving up social media from the hours of 4:00 to 8:00 in the evenings.  (Except for Mondays when I participate in two Twitter Chats on education.)  I know, there are people who give up Facebook/social media the entire time.  That's not what I'm going for.  The purpose of this isn't to stop using social media. It's more me to stop using it in the precious few hours that I have awake with my kids.  For me to use those four hours in the evening to be a mom, be productive, and timely with my tasks.  Doing dishes and cleaning up after dinner would be a lot faster if I wouldn't stop to scroll through Facebook, or get stuck watching Tasty cooking videos.

The opportunity for me to grow in my faith.

I am going to read a book.  I usually only really read books during the summer.  This one is different. My mom gave this book to me.  The Kansas City Diocese gave out these books free to all the parishes to distribute to their congregations.  My mom picked one up for me and said it was a good read.

The opportunity for me to be a servant to others.

I started a Random Act of Kindness journey this year.  I would like to finish it.  Little surprises that bring joy to others.

The opportunity for me to pass on the traditions of Lent to my children:

TV is off.  At least until after dinner.  Since colder weather has been upon us, it has become almost routine for me to ask the girls "what movie do you want to watch when we get home," as we drive the seven miles home from daycare.  They pick a movie, and then another, and another until bed.  It has been helpful to me and entertaining to them.  But, I am promoting bad habits.  TV on while we eat instead of focusing on conversation and good table manners. Girls sitting in front of the TV while I work around the house, instead of involving them.  This will be their first official "Lenten penance." A chance for them not only to see what we do, but participate as well.

I pray for a successful and meaningful Lent.  I pray that I am a better wife and mother, mindful of how joy spreads in the smallest ways, and more faithful.

Blessings to all this Lenten Season!

Murphy's Law for Parents

If you sweep the floor...
They will drop a box of cereal and crunch it into the ground.

If you vacuum...
They will want popcorn

If you take them shopping with you...
They will scream and run around like bandits thinking that might convince you to get them "just this one thing."

If you get dressed up...
They will throw up on you.

If you do your hair and wear it down...
They will want to brush it.

If you wear jewelry...
They will rip your ears off.

If one kid touches the toy...
The other kid will become a "master manipulator" to get said toy.

If you buy them a cute play dress in a moment of weakness...
They will never ever ever want to take it off. Ever.

If you change the sheets...
They will pee the bed.

If it is bedtime...
They won't want to go to bed.

If it is time to get up...
They will want to sleep.

If it is a weekday...
They will sleep until you come and drag them out of bed.

If it is a weekend...
They will be up by 6.

If you take the stroller...
They will want to walk.

If you need to cook dinner...
They will want to be held.

If you get take-out...
They will play quietly for hours.

If they ask to call grandma and you say "sure, let's do that."
They will sit quietly and refuse to talk.

That Would Be GREAT... if

Yesterday, I posted about us trying to raise independent little girls.  In some ways I would say that we are succeeding.  They are both so excited to try things on their own, and super excited when they are able to.

However, this has also made for some frustrating moments when I have to remind myself of the overall goal.

To raise independent, strong, confident women.

That will be great...

If I can survive it with any of my sanity.

For example.

Jackie LOVES to help do the dishes in the sink.  That would be great... if it didn't result in soapy water dripping down the side of the counter and into a big pile on the floor.

She also wants to take her dishes to the sink after she is finished eating.  And that would be great... if she didn't accidentally drop the bowl with soup broth all over the floor.

Katerina is definitely in the "by myself" stage.  Her favorite thing to do right now (since we are potty-training) is dump her little potty of pee in the toilet herself.  That would be great... if she actually got the pee into the toilet.

They love to help me cook in the kitchen, which would be great... if it didn't quadruple the mess I have to clean up after. **If I can have some success with the above dishwashing this might end up less mess for ME to have to clean up.

Jackie wants to sweep the floor... Awesome.  If that didn't end up with her swinging the broom from side to side and knocking off the bag of chip crumbs to the floor.

Katerina tries to put her coat on by her self.  Upside down and backwards every time.

Jackie wants the independence of NOT having the child lock on the inside of her door.  (Yup.  I lock her in her room at night.  Parent of the year.)  We tried it, and I would continue to allow her that independence if she would stay in bed later than 5:30 AM.  She will find the lock back on her door tonight.  I am sure the fit she is going to throw will be epic.

Remember the goal.  Strong.  Independent. Confident.

I am adding survival to the list.

Independent. Strong. Confident.

Ethan and I are doing our best to raise independent children.  Children who can do things for themselves, by themselves, and occasionally for others, and by "others" I mean that to also include us, their parents.

The ultimate goal of this is long term.  I would rather not have 30-something adult children living in my basement, I want them to be OK living on their own, fending for themselves in our unsafe and unpredictable world.

I know.  I'm a monster.

I saw a meme while scrolling through Facebook one day that said "If your child can run an iPhone, they can run the laundry machine."

Yup.  That about sums up everything right there.  Earlier this week, Jackie (my 3-year-old) took the iPad, found the music app, located the specific Taylor Swift song she wanted to listen to, played it and turned up the volume for the entire house to hear.

She is three.

If she can find "Bad Blood" in a field of other music songs on a device that took me months to figure out.  She can help around the house, and her two-year-old sister isn't far behind.

So their list of "to-do" just got a little longer.

I just have to be able to survive the "teaching them how to do this stuff" part, so that I can get to the "nagging them to death" pre-teen and teen years.  But I will succeed.

Because I am independent, strong, and confident.

Worth It.

So, I stood on the scale the other day.

Hmmm... right at the top (if not a pound or two over) my 5 lb. bubble I like to stay within.

Really?  I thought.  I've been eating pretty normal during my meals and sometimes even forgetting my afternoon snack when I've been busy.

It's too early in the monthly cycle to blame the extra poundage on bloating.

Hmmm...

I casually mentioned this to Ethan while watching Netflix the other night.

"I'm just not sure why..."

And then I looked in my hands.

At the bowl of ice cream I was enjoying.

OK...it was my second bowl.

Oh, there it is...

Two weeks ago we got a great idea to try making different flavors of homemade ice cream.  We decided on fresh peach, chocolate peanut butter, and traditional vanilla.

They all turned out SO GOOD!

I have decided that it is an appropriate sacrifice to be a little higher on the scale to enjoy the creamy goodness of homemade ice cream.  :o)