Murphy's Law for Parents

If you sweep the floor...
They will drop a box of cereal and crunch it into the ground.

If you vacuum...
They will want popcorn

If you take them shopping with you...
They will scream and run around like bandits thinking that might convince you to get them "just this one thing."

If you get dressed up...
They will throw up on you.

If you do your hair and wear it down...
They will want to brush it.

If you wear jewelry...
They will rip your ears off.

If one kid touches the toy...
The other kid will become a "master manipulator" to get said toy.

If you buy them a cute play dress in a moment of weakness...
They will never ever ever want to take it off. Ever.

If you change the sheets...
They will pee the bed.

If it is bedtime...
They won't want to go to bed.

If it is time to get up...
They will want to sleep.

If it is a weekday...
They will sleep until you come and drag them out of bed.

If it is a weekend...
They will be up by 6.

If you take the stroller...
They will want to walk.

If you need to cook dinner...
They will want to be held.

If you get take-out...
They will play quietly for hours.

If they ask to call grandma and you say "sure, let's do that."
They will sit quietly and refuse to talk.