FAQ: Working Mom or Stay At Home Mom: Which is Harder?

 A "non-twin" question that I get asked most often is which one is harder? 

Stay at home mom or working mom? 

I will start out this by saying that I think when moms/society debate this question it is completely ridiculous. This is way too subjective of a question and depends entirely on the unique factors that make up the individual's home, personality, season of life, skills, strengths and weaknesses. There is no "one-and-done" point to be made for either side. 

So....with that said. 

From what I've seen in my own journey from a (teacher) working mom to a stay-at-home mom, both are hard. 

I'm gonna say that again. 

Both. Are. Hard. 

But...the unique circumstances lead me to say, that at this season of my life with 8-month-old twins, and big kids ranging from 5-12, being at home is 1000% easier than trying to stay as a working mom would be. 

Reasons being (listed in no particular order) 

My previous job as a teacher was physically and emotionally demanding. I LOOOOOVVVVEEEEDDD teaching and I did it well. But don't let that fool you...just because someone makes it look easy doesn't mean that it is. It was WORK. The amount of energy that it takes to command a high/middle school classroom in a way that decreases behavior issues, encourages student engagement, and includes high standards of learning for the students is W-O-R-K.  Had I been employed in a profession that was mostly sitting at a desk throughout the day, the transition to staying at home would have been a culture shock for my body. Because I was so active in my job, the shift to staying home has been, at times, less "on the go" physically. 

The mental shift and stress are MUCH less. No longer do I have to completely shift my thinking (sometimes multiple times a day) from history lessons or my classroom to-do list, to dinner and the kids' ball schedule. I can focus on one thing only...it's still a lot. Managing the schedule of a family of 8 keeps me busy...but at least I don't also have to fit in 12-hour parent/teacher conference days, IEP meetings, and testing deadlines. My stress level is so much less. I had no idea how much stress I was carrying in the day-to-day of teaching that it had become such a normal part of who I was. August had me shocked with how little stress I felt, and that has continued. Sure there are stressful parts to parenting, but I have consistently felt so much better with the lower stress in my life. I swear that my postpartum recovery went so well because I wasn't worried about how many days I had left on maternity leave and filtering through emails from school. 

Time. I have so much more time to get things done at home. Don't let that fool you...currently I still have 4 loads of laundry to take care of, bathrooms that need cleaning, closets that need organizing, and floors that need vacuumed and mopped. BUT...I no longer have to squeeze those things into a two-day weekend (which has other activities and things going on). PLUS...while I'm still behind on laundry (is it ever done though??) I'm only behind four loads instead of 10. I have all day and there isn't the pressure to get it all done at the expense of my family time. 

Piggy-backing off of that one...the "Sunday Scaries" are NO MORE! What are the "Sunday Scaries?" Just that overwhelming pressure to fit in as much as you can on the weekend and have EVERYTHING ready to go Monday so the week starts out right. I wasn't ever "scared" or dreading Monday school days. I loved teaching and loved my job, but that rush of the weekend to fit as much as possible was strong it made even little trips to grandma's and grandpa's house tainted with the knowledge that I was missing out on time to get my house ready to start the week. The weekend is just another two days and life continues along with the uncrossed items on my list onto the next day. That feeling is amazing! 

My perfectionist-gotta-get-things-done personality makes for a very difficult working mom life. It's never enough. There's always something not finished and to "sit and rest" only stresses me out more because there's always something I could be doing. This personality trait is difficult enough to combat while staying home, but man...it would be even more difficult to add in the expectations I have for myself in the classroom as well. I wouldn't be able to continue teaching they way I would want and would be doing a terrible job at both mom and Mrs. Weber. 

I can't tell you how many times I have thought "thank God I don't also have to try to teach today." We are in the THICK of it with an over-tired baby boy, a teething baby girl, less than two days of school left, and summer ball games already ramping up. Good sleep eludes us as we try to take advantage of the nights were I only have to get up four times. (Yup...you read that right.) It is rough and I am beyond exhausted...but at least I don't also have to teach tomorrow. Because, Lord knows, it wouldn't be good. In fact, things at home would be worse too. Staying home allows me to be the fully best mom I can be at that moment. Even if the moments come with chicken nuggets with a little side of cranky. :) 

Inevitably the question that follows the "which is harder?" ask is "Do you plan to go back to teaching when the twins are in kindergarten?" 

That one I'm leaving open. If there's anything that this blessed life has taught me, it's that plans change. Desires change. Family needs and dynamics change. At this moment I'm enjoying life as a full-time mama. I do know that if I go back...I can do so on my own terms. Maybe I'll sub? Maybe I'll be a para? Maybe I'll just enjoy the opportunity to be more involved in the home/school network. Who knows??? We'll see what happens and how I'm feeling when that time comes. Until then, I have dishes to do an laundry to fold in the last few minutes of this glorious nap time! :)