12 months X Two!

We made it! The twins are ONE! A whole year. A whole 12 months. Amazing how 12 months can seem so long and short at the same time. (Actually 13 months by the time I finish and post this blog)

So, I thought it would be fitting to share 12 things about these two cuties! 

Times Two. 😉

1. It's still unbelievable at times. I've had quite a long time to get used to the idea of two babies at the same time, but throughout this year I still find myself stopping and staring at them amazed that there are two little smiles grinning back at me. Amazing. 

2. They are their own individual person. They have the exact same diet, home life, toys to play with, share bath time and nighttime routines. Yet they sit, crawl, babble and even poop differently. Gabe loves cars and makes the vroom sound, while Izzy reaches for blocks to knock down and books to tear apart. 

3. Izzy is mischievous, a pot-stirrer, and looooovveess to get into anything she's not supposed to. As soon as she knows she can't...she wants more. 

4. Gabe is more chill and finds himself the subject of many of Izzy's antics. 

5. While both babies enjoy both parents, Izzy will reach for and hang on daddy whenever given the opportunity and Gabe loves his mama. 

6. Gabe as 8 teeth. Izzy has 2. 

7. Consistent sleep still eludes us. On a good night I'll still get up 2-4 times. Other twin moms tell tails of how the cry of one twin at night will never wake up the other twin, no matter how loud. Not us. Not our twins. I feel like I can begin to feel someone normal and more like myself again if we can just get them to sleep better. It's rough...and add in the needs and activities of the big kids. I don't know if there's a way to express how exhausted I am. I just continue to thank God I'm able to stay home and don't also have to go to a 9-5 type job on top of the chronic sleep deprivation.

Cute picture to show how unbothered they are with the inconsistent sleep.

8. Everything is twice as much, twice as difficult, and twice the amount. I know this is kind of a "duh" statement, but I mean seriously everything. Two trips in from the car, two kids to try to feed, diaper, and get dressed. Two babies to watch in the bath. It all takes up soooo much time. So much more time than I thought it would. 

9. They weigh very close to the same but are built so differently that they don't look like the same weight. Izzy is a solid as a cinder block and Gabe is a long string bean. She had those cute little baby rolls, and he has about two inches on her in length. 

10. Gabe has an allergy to something. We made a visit on Saturday afternoon to the emergency room when his face ended up all swollen and puffy after eating some multi-grain/seeded bread. We now have an epi pen and are on the list to see the pediatric allergist in January. For the time being we're avoiding nuts and sunflower seeds until we know more. 

11. I'm not wishing time away, but I'm definitely ready for them to understand what I say and be entertained for 15 minutes by an episode of Bluey or Paw Patrol.

12. We have tried to be very practical with these babies. Their birthday gifts included clothes, sippy cups, and shoes. All things we would have bought anyway. Christmas will be the same. Halloween costumes are matching PJs that total 14$ (combined). At this point they won't remember it anyway. 

13. They LOVE playing with their siblings. 

14. They love outside time. And bath time.

15. Gabe falls asleep almost instantly in the stroller while Izzy is alert and sitting up taking in everything we walk by. 

16. I find that I'm loving revisiting my favorite little kid board books with the twins. Even funnier, I read them in the same cadence and emphasis that I did 12 years ago with Jackie. 

17. They are both in the beginning stages of trying to figure out words. Gabe does a good job attempting to repeat words and can make out recognizable sounds. Bye Bye, yes, and Papa are some favorites. Izzy doesn't really say anything specific yet, but has mastered "WOW" "Ohhh...what's that" (or at least that is what it sounds and looks like from her hand movements) 

18. Neither baby is walking yet. Izzy will probably be first, she has been on all the physical milestones. They are both really good (and fast) crawlers and I'm not in any rush for them to be walking yet.

19. Their favorite foods include yogurt, strawberries, and goldfish. They don't like scrambled eggs. 

20. They both have kept their blue eyes. This delights my blue-eyed husband as this brings the blues to a tie with the browns. 

21. We attempted the pools some last summer, and I'm looking forward to next summer when they're big enough for baby floaties so we can go a little more often. The pool has always been my secret weapon to a good nap time! 

22. Gabe got his first haircut at 13 months. No pictures of the process, he hated it and cried the entire time. But sure looks handsome with a fresh cut. Izzy's hair isn't quite long enough for little ponytails yet, but that doesn't stop me from trying :)

23. I still hate cutting fingernails. And I have to do it twice as much. Ugh! 

24. Life at Weber Haus is very scheduled. As you can imagine, it takes a good chunk of time to get everyone out of the door on time and with everything. Luckily I'm pretty good at organizing and thinking/planning ahead. As a "type A" person, I've always liked a good plan and schedule and this helps with 6 kids ages 12 years to 13 months. And I HATE last minute or "go with the flow" type of activities. Pick ups and drop offs are scheduled down to the minute and include the number of kids/car seats involved. Changes or delays cause me to become stressed, anxious, and cranky very quickly.  If everyone and everything can just run on time, that'd be great. 😜

There you have it. 24 things about our life with twins right now. I promise I want to blog more. I have so many posts running around in my head. But, as with everything that I don't get done, I'm gonna blame it on #7 on the list above and hope that I get the motivation to type more often!

Learning How to Study

I've had this idea for a blog post in my mind for a while now, and I figured with the start of school fast approaching (or already here for some) it was a good time to throw this out here. 

Because of my prior experience as a teacher I can feel very confident it sharing with you all, 

Most kids (even high school students) have no idea how to study. None.

I taught both middle school and high school students and they really have no clue. High school Juniors who have either never had to study (because things came naturally easy) or never really tried would be absolutely stunned when they scored poorly on a test... "But I read over the study guide before class, while listening to my music on high volume on my earbuds" - - Sigh - - Or never even looked at the study guide provided.

I vowed to make sure my own kids learn how to study.  

Up until last year Jackie, my oldest, hasn't needed to study much at home. Elementary school typically provides opportunities to study at school with a class game and study guide. Jackie hasn't really been challenged to need the extra study time at home. That changed when she started 6th grade. Her science teacher was/is tough. 

This is a GOOD thing. Our kids need to learn how to struggle through something, they need to learn that they are capable of hard things, and sometimes they need to fail (or get a D) to realize that they need to do more. I am so thankful that Jackie had these opportunities last year because she learned so much more than her science curriculum. 

I'm going to share that story with you, and then I'm going to give you our method for studying for her science tests (this will work for any subject). 

Her science teacher really did give the students what they needed to succeed, and helped parents stay informed. Students knew a week (at the beginning of the year) and at minimum 3 days in advance of a test. They did vocabulary flip charts (or notecards), had a review sheet, and did a quiz bowl study game the day before. When it came time for Jackie's first test, I told her what I recommended she do to prepare. She was adamant that she was "fine" and could study her own way. 

So I said ok. 

The results of that test were less than stellar. She did her best to try and "pretty it up" but crap painted gold is still crap. We had a good discussion about expectations and how we should want to set ourselves up to do the best we can. 

This was a slippery slope that I attempted to navigate carefully. I have seen how too much pressure and the expectation of "A's" all the time can impact the stress and anxiety of teens. But I needed her to understand that we expected her to do her best each time, and that she had missed the mark on this one. We do not expect straight A's from any of our kids...learning is key. Learning both content and skills. Jackie was now required to study with me and do things my way, until she was able to identify how she studies best. 

Here's what that was. 

#1: If her teacher allowed (which she did), Jackie was to make vocabulary notecards not that flipchart thing. I don't like those to study with...they are fine as an assignment, but as a study tool, not great. From that point on, it was notecards. - - I am VERY Thankful for her teacher allowing this, even though Jackie chose to phrase it as "my mom hates those things" (eyeroll)

#2: Paper/Pencil study guide. NOT online. She had the option. The teacher printed off copies and had the guide online to complete there and students were given the choice of which one to complete. Jackie was not allowed to do the online version. It had to be paper pencil. - - People, kids will pick the easiest option if given the chance. You know what they do with online study guides? Copy/Paste. Unless you are physically sitting there watching them, that's what they do. Paper/Pencil (ESPECIALLY as middle schooler.) - - She was required to be done with the study guide and know her notecards by the final day left to study. So if the test was Thursday, she had to know the information by Wednesday. This was usually not a problem because she had to have the guide done by a certain day for class.

#3: Videos on YouTube. There is an immense amount of information online. Using that to our advantage was helpful. I would search the main topic of their unit and video for 6th grade. An Example: "Weather Systems for 6th grade" - - Then I would pick 3-4 short videos.... I would briefly preview them looking for key words from her study guide. Jackie would watch each video and then rank them in order of best to worst (not in "entertainment" factor but how well the video explained the information from her unit) and then she had to tell me why. - - This would happen usually two days before a test. HINT...adding "for kids" at the end of a video search will find content explained in simpler terms. Very beneficial for more confusing topics.

#4: GOOGLE! This is where my teacher skills come in handy. I am a very good "Google-er" - - I would search for science tests of that topic. (I want to be clear. I was not looking for her teacher's test...she makes it herself anyway I think...I was looking for examples of higher-lever test questions on the topic.) You would be amazed at what you can find. Complete tests, sample questions, diagrams to label, and photos or graphs to analyze. Again, using the study guide I would find a few to make Jackie sit down and complete. Sometimes the answers were provided for me, sometimes we had to discuss it together....either way, the point was to get her thinking about the topic on a deeper level. More than just recalling the vocab definition. Teacher Pay Teacher is a good option here as well. I never paid for any, but you can find free tests and preview some to get question examples. This was by far, our most valuable study night before the day of the exam. Then I would usually tell her to watch the best video one more time before class the next day. 

I know this may seem like a lot, but in reality what I am trying to teach my kids is to spread out the work. Do a little each night rather than cramming the day (or hour) before. Look at the material in a variety of ways, read it, watch it, play a game, answer discussion questions...just interact with the material differently. Your brain will like it! It took much longer the first few times we did it than it did in April, at that point she knew the routine.

By the end of the school year, she was consistently earning B's on her tests and finished the year with her best score ever. This, not only left her feeling confident for the rest of middle school (with the same teacher), but also found her admitting that once she figured out the system it was much easier! 

Translation: Mom was right! :) 

Remember. Every kid is different, they all have strengths and weaknesses...how can we help the figure out how to use those strengths and talents to overcome or improve their weakness? This method may not work for everyone, or even each of my kids...but I know that we'll keep trying to figure it out as we go.

FAQ: Working Mom or Stay At Home Mom: Which is Harder?

 A "non-twin" question that I get asked most often is which one is harder? 

Stay at home mom or working mom? 

I will start out this by saying that I think when moms/society debate this question it is completely ridiculous. This is way too subjective of a question and depends entirely on the unique factors that make up the individual's home, personality, season of life, skills, strengths and weaknesses. There is no "one-and-done" point to be made for either side. 

So....with that said. 

From what I've seen in my own journey from a (teacher) working mom to a stay-at-home mom, both are hard. 

I'm gonna say that again. 

Both. Are. Hard. 

But...the unique circumstances lead me to say, that at this season of my life with 8-month-old twins, and big kids ranging from 5-12, being at home is 1000% easier than trying to stay as a working mom would be. 

Reasons being (listed in no particular order) 

My previous job as a teacher was physically and emotionally demanding. I LOOOOOVVVVEEEEDDD teaching and I did it well. But don't let that fool you...just because someone makes it look easy doesn't mean that it is. It was WORK. The amount of energy that it takes to command a high/middle school classroom in a way that decreases behavior issues, encourages student engagement, and includes high standards of learning for the students is W-O-R-K.  Had I been employed in a profession that was mostly sitting at a desk throughout the day, the transition to staying at home would have been a culture shock for my body. Because I was so active in my job, the shift to staying home has been, at times, less "on the go" physically. 

The mental shift and stress are MUCH less. No longer do I have to completely shift my thinking (sometimes multiple times a day) from history lessons or my classroom to-do list, to dinner and the kids' ball schedule. I can focus on one thing only...it's still a lot. Managing the schedule of a family of 8 keeps me busy...but at least I don't also have to fit in 12-hour parent/teacher conference days, IEP meetings, and testing deadlines. My stress level is so much less. I had no idea how much stress I was carrying in the day-to-day of teaching that it had become such a normal part of who I was. August had me shocked with how little stress I felt, and that has continued. Sure there are stressful parts to parenting, but I have consistently felt so much better with the lower stress in my life. I swear that my postpartum recovery went so well because I wasn't worried about how many days I had left on maternity leave and filtering through emails from school. 

Time. I have so much more time to get things done at home. Don't let that fool you...currently I still have 4 loads of laundry to take care of, bathrooms that need cleaning, closets that need organizing, and floors that need vacuumed and mopped. BUT...I no longer have to squeeze those things into a two-day weekend (which has other activities and things going on). PLUS...while I'm still behind on laundry (is it ever done though??) I'm only behind four loads instead of 10. I have all day and there isn't the pressure to get it all done at the expense of my family time. 

Piggy-backing off of that one...the "Sunday Scaries" are NO MORE! What are the "Sunday Scaries?" Just that overwhelming pressure to fit in as much as you can on the weekend and have EVERYTHING ready to go Monday so the week starts out right. I wasn't ever "scared" or dreading Monday school days. I loved teaching and loved my job, but that rush of the weekend to fit as much as possible was strong it made even little trips to grandma's and grandpa's house tainted with the knowledge that I was missing out on time to get my house ready to start the week. The weekend is just another two days and life continues along with the uncrossed items on my list onto the next day. That feeling is amazing! 

My perfectionist-gotta-get-things-done personality makes for a very difficult working mom life. It's never enough. There's always something not finished and to "sit and rest" only stresses me out more because there's always something I could be doing. This personality trait is difficult enough to combat while staying home, but man...it would be even more difficult to add in the expectations I have for myself in the classroom as well. I wouldn't be able to continue teaching they way I would want and would be doing a terrible job at both mom and Mrs. Weber. 

I can't tell you how many times I have thought "thank God I don't also have to try to teach today." We are in the THICK of it with an over-tired baby boy, a teething baby girl, less than two days of school left, and summer ball games already ramping up. Good sleep eludes us as we try to take advantage of the nights were I only have to get up four times. (Yup...you read that right.) It is rough and I am beyond exhausted...but at least I don't also have to teach tomorrow. Because, Lord knows, it wouldn't be good. In fact, things at home would be worse too. Staying home allows me to be the fully best mom I can be at that moment. Even if the moments come with chicken nuggets with a little side of cranky. :) 

Inevitably the question that follows the "which is harder?" ask is "Do you plan to go back to teaching when the twins are in kindergarten?" 

That one I'm leaving open. If there's anything that this blessed life has taught me, it's that plans change. Desires change. Family needs and dynamics change. At this moment I'm enjoying life as a full-time mama. I do know that if I go back...I can do so on my own terms. Maybe I'll sub? Maybe I'll be a para? Maybe I'll just enjoy the opportunity to be more involved in the home/school network. Who knows??? We'll see what happens and how I'm feeling when that time comes. Until then, I have dishes to do an laundry to fold in the last few minutes of this glorious nap time! :)

Life Lately at Weber Haus

It's been a hot minute since my last post. I have so many started and not finished, it's almost funny. Time just keeps eluding me. Life is moving in hyper speed and here I am just hanging on trying to drive it while I'm over-caffeinated and sleep deprived...all while trying to take in special moments and not lose myself on the things that aren't important (like...who needs a vacuumed floor, right? Ha.)

Needless to say, as the twins have recently turned 7 months, I felt like it was a good time for a full update on life around here and what it looks like more than the cute pictures and short phrases on Facebook. So, buckle in with a good cup of coffee (or wine if that's the appropriate drink for the time of day you're reading this) cause here we go. 

A note to start...In no way is this blog post meant to be me signaling for help, sympathy, or concern...I'm just trying to be as honest as I can about how I'm feeling and life so I can remember this time. Because like I said...it's FLYING by and there's one thing I know about parenting, is that we tend to forget the details of the "trenches" and fawn over the sweeter memories. I want to be reminded of the details. 

The Good. 

I am incredibly happy and thankful to be able to spend time at home with my babies during this renewed phase of our parenting. I always wanted to be a stay home mom...but as I fell in love with teaching and we were able to plan our first four children in a way that allowed me to continue teaching, I put that desire out of my head. Clearly, God still sensed that desire in my heart as he provided the unexpected opportunity to do just that. To be home with my kids. And, along with it being an absolute necessity at this time, I am in love with it. I love that I get to watch the big kids get on the bus, I love the conversations with AJ in the car on the way home from preschool, and I love the time throughout the day to get things done. Some days I get more than others...but it's still WAY more than if I was trying to be both mom and teacher. 

The big kids are really great help with the babies. I will admit, the "fun" of it has worn off a little, but they still love to make the babies smile and giggle and are helpful at feeding, playing, and watching over them when I need it. I love watching Izzy's face light up when Jackie gets home from school. And little Gabe has the biggest smiles for Billy and Kat when they try to tickle his neck. Being able to see the big kids love their baby siblings so much, is truly a joy. 

Gabe and Izzy continue to prove to be happy, healthy babies who make our family whole. It is hard to imagine life without them. No matter what crankiness they may have, they're always coming back with smiles and coos to melt our hearts again and again. They really are great babies. 

But they are babies. And with babies (especially two) there come challenges. 

Challenge #1: TWO Babies

After having four singleton babies and then twins, I can say with pretty high confidence that, two is harder than one in almost all senses of the word. Seems like a "duh" moment, but it's true. Our most difficult baby was still so much easier than two. With everything. Everything. Even if the twins are "good babies" (Good babies still cry, struggle with sleeping/eating, and need everything provided for them.) 

Two babies bring the challenge of the logistics of two. Everything is harder. The obvious...diapering, feeding, sleeping. But also the not so obvious, but still make things harder. Bath time, holding babies, putting them to bed, leaving the house with or without babies, going to a school activity, doctor appointments, getting a haircut. Simple errands become big ordeals of organization and time management. I knew it would be hard to leave the house...but I never factored in how hard it would be for even ME to leave the house alone. I have to make sure Ethan is home or whoever is here is comfortable with handling two babies. Jackie and Kat can handle them for a bit...but my errand better be as fast as it can be. No time to wonder the isles or stop at Starbucks for a coffee. In and out as quick as possible. And then even when all those dominos are in place and I can actually leave...I have to still want to, which is something else I didn't expect. Many times I just don't have the energy. It's easier to stay home.

Challenge #2: The Age Gap 

I know what you're thinking...isn't having older siblings, capable of helping, a bonus, not a challenge? In some ways yes, but in other ways it creates some major difficulties. For one. They're busy, and not even THAT busy compared to other kids. We allow them to do ONE thing at a time, and it has to be "rec" or YMCA type. No travel or club ball here. We just don't have time time/money to spend on that. (I could write a whole blog post on that subject...maybe I will, just not today).

A unique situation I've come across is that most online communities, blogs, and medical advice focus on the majority of twin families having twins and stopping or maybe having one other sibling. Very few, if any, have large families to go along with their twins (and if they do, they're not online posting about suggestions). I can't just devote my entire day/time to caring for the twins. I have other things to do, that HAVE to get done. This isn't the "snuggle the babies, leave the dishes" type of situation. Kids HAVE to eat, so I HAVE to make dinner. I HAVE to do dishes or we don't have utensils (seriously, how many spoons can we go through in one day?!?!) There are many other examples of things that have to be done. Not doing it, isn't an option. Period. So I can't just sit and snuggle my day away. I have to be productive whenever given the chance. The big kids help throughout all of this, while we also try to balance their ability to be "kids" and enjoy the nice day, playing with neighbors, and videogames. 

One thing that seems to be communicated in one way or another, is that if you don't attend all your kids' functions and cheer them on, they won't think you ever supported them and that they possibly don't love you at all. (I may be exaggerating a tad...but the pressure as a parent to attend everything for our kids is REAL.) We've had to back off that. I hate the disappointment in Jackie's eyes when I tell her one of us won't be able to come to her band concert at the end of the year because taking twins to a crowded gym for a band concert (at their bedtime) sounds about as much fun as having a root canal. The babies' bed time is between 6:30 and 7:00 right now and the big kids are just heading to sports practices and beginning homework at that time and begging to play outside with the neighbors. 

Ethan and I said, early on, that having these babies didn't mean our big kids' lives would stop. They still get to do their "thing." It may just mean that they have to catch a ride with a friend or only have one parent there to cheer them on. Hopefully they know how much we love and support them, even if we're not physically there in the stands.

Challenge #3: Sleep.

Have you ever been so tired that your eyes burn and your arms tingle as you try to raise them? I hit that stage a couple weeks ago. We have been STRUGGLING with getting these kiddos to sleep consistently. I made the mistake earlier this week and thought..."well, it can't get much worse..." Izzy MUST have been reading my thoughts and countered with a "oh yeah...hold my bottle." 

You know what's worse than one fussy baby crying at night. Two of them crying at the same time. I do my best to try to get to the fussy baby before he/she can wake the other. This goes against all sleep advice of  "let the baby fuss for a bit" before tending to him/her. I've tried letting them both "fuss/cry it out" and that resulted in 3 out of the 4 big kids coming in to my room at 2 AM to tell me the babies are crying and they can't sleep either. So "Cry it out" isn't an option either. 

Currently Izzy will not sleep longer than 2 1/2 hours at night. (last night she was up every hour and a half). Gabe will sleep in 3 hour stretches at night, but likes to be WIDE awake randomly from 2:00 AM to 4:00 AM. Up by 6:00 every day. Izzy will sometimes make it to 7:00...but rarely. Naps are 45 minutes to an hour (if I'm lucky). Some nights I see every hour on the clock. Those are increasing. Next we add in teeth FINALLY breaking through the surface of Gabe's gums. But that means more sleep interruptions, early wake ups and short naps. 

I have read everything out there on sleep training (mostly for single babies and families with 1-2 kids) and it's just not something we can commit to. It requires a pretty regimented schedule and sleep routine, which is pretty much impossible for our home at the moment. Sleep consultants, like to tempt tired parents with "THE trick to get your baby to nap" headlines and then "pay me $500.00 for me to tell you the strategies that I used with both my kids...AND your baby will STILL go through periods of not sleeping well...because ALL babies go through various phases." - - Sheesh! Don't EVEN get me started. 

Our problems are unique to us and they are temporary. I know this, but it doesn't make the exhaustion any easier. I'm grumpy and have no energy beyond the MUST do's around our house. I WANT to go for walks and enjoy the few nice days we get here. I WANT to organize my closet. I WANT to take AJ to the park with the babies. I WANT to start exercising and lifting weights...but right now I just can't do it. I'm tired. I want to be in a better mood during breakfast when AJ seems to have all the energy in the world...and the volume to go with it. (no coffee can prepare your for his energy at 6:30 AM). 

It WILL get better...I will sleep again one day... For now, it's just how things are. 

I have a teacher friend who, after hearing my stories from home (with only four kids mind you), would jokingly say "you're a walking advertisement for birth control." HAHA!

The thing is...it's much easier for people to understand the funny situations and statements kids say and the difficulties than it is to explain how a baby smile or laugh can make up for an entire day (or night) of hardships. 

The good things, the feel-good things, don't come at a one-to-one ratio with the challenges. That's why when we're older...we miss our kids when they were little. Because the good things stick with us. Those cuddles, laughs, and sweet memories are at the forefront of our thoughts while we lose track of the number of times we were spit up on, changed a blow-out diaper, or weeks of interrupted sleep and exhaustion. There is so much more good that comes with babies, kids, and large families. It's just hard to convey those feelings aloud. 

Seven months in, Weber Haus is doing good, filled with laughter and love, and is exactly where we are supposed to be. Mama's just also tired. :)