It's been a hot minute since my last post. I have so many started and not finished, it's almost funny. Time just keeps eluding me. Life is moving in hyper speed and here I am just hanging on trying to drive it while I'm over-caffeinated and sleep deprived...all while trying to take in special moments and not lose myself on the things that aren't important (like...who needs a vacuumed floor, right? Ha.)
Needless to say, as the twins have recently turned 7 months, I felt like it was a good time for a full update on life around here and what it looks like more than the cute pictures and short phrases on Facebook. So, buckle in with a good cup of coffee (or wine if that's the appropriate drink for the time of day you're reading this) cause here we go.
A note to start...In no way is this blog post meant to be me signaling for help, sympathy, or concern...I'm just trying to be as honest as I can about how I'm feeling and life so I can remember this time. Because like I said...it's FLYING by and there's one thing I know about parenting, is that we tend to forget the details of the "trenches" and fawn over the sweeter memories. I want to be reminded of the details.
The Good.
I am incredibly happy and thankful to be able to spend time at home with my babies during this renewed phase of our parenting. I always wanted to be a stay home mom...but as I fell in love with teaching and we were able to plan our first four children in a way that allowed me to continue teaching, I put that desire out of my head. Clearly, God still sensed that desire in my heart as he provided the unexpected opportunity to do just that. To be home with my kids. And, along with it being an absolute necessity at this time, I am in love with it. I love that I get to watch the big kids get on the bus, I love the conversations with AJ in the car on the way home from preschool, and I love the time throughout the day to get things done. Some days I get more than others...but it's still WAY more than if I was trying to be both mom and teacher.
The big kids are really great help with the babies. I will admit, the "fun" of it has worn off a little, but they still love to make the babies smile and giggle and are helpful at feeding, playing, and watching over them when I need it. I love watching Izzy's face light up when Jackie gets home from school. And little Gabe has the biggest smiles for Billy and Kat when they try to tickle his neck. Being able to see the big kids love their baby siblings so much, is truly a joy.
Gabe and Izzy continue to prove to be happy, healthy babies who make our family whole. It is hard to imagine life without them. No matter what crankiness they may have, they're always coming back with smiles and coos to melt our hearts again and again. They really are great babies.
But they are babies. And with babies (especially two) there come challenges.
Challenge #1: TWO Babies
After having four singleton babies and then twins, I can say with pretty high confidence that, two is harder than one in almost all senses of the word. Seems like a "duh" moment, but it's true. Our most difficult baby was still so much easier than two. With everything. Everything. Even if the twins are "good babies" (Good babies still cry, struggle with sleeping/eating, and need everything provided for them.)
Two babies bring the challenge of the logistics of two. Everything is harder. The obvious...diapering, feeding, sleeping. But also the not so obvious, but still make things harder. Bath time, holding babies, putting them to bed, leaving the house with or without babies, going to a school activity, doctor appointments, getting a haircut. Simple errands become big ordeals of organization and time management. I knew it would be hard to leave the house...but I never factored in how hard it would be for even ME to leave the house alone. I have to make sure Ethan is home or whoever is here is comfortable with handling two babies. Jackie and Kat can handle them for a bit...but my errand better be as fast as it can be. No time to wonder the isles or stop at Starbucks for a coffee. In and out as quick as possible. And then even when all those dominos are in place and I can actually leave...I have to still want to, which is something else I didn't expect. Many times I just don't have the energy. It's easier to stay home.
Challenge #2: The Age Gap
I know what you're thinking...isn't having older siblings, capable of helping, a bonus, not a challenge? In some ways yes, but in other ways it creates some major difficulties. For one. They're busy, and not even THAT busy compared to other kids. We allow them to do ONE thing at a time, and it has to be "rec" or YMCA type. No travel or club ball here. We just don't have time time/money to spend on that. (I could write a whole blog post on that subject...maybe I will, just not today).
A unique situation I've come across is that most online communities, blogs, and medical advice focus on the majority of twin families having twins and stopping or maybe having one other sibling. Very few, if any, have large families to go along with their twins (and if they do, they're not online posting about suggestions). I can't just devote my entire day/time to caring for the twins. I have other things to do, that HAVE to get done. This isn't the "snuggle the babies, leave the dishes" type of situation. Kids HAVE to eat, so I HAVE to make dinner. I HAVE to do dishes or we don't have utensils (seriously, how many spoons can we go through in one day?!?!) There are many other examples of things that have to be done. Not doing it, isn't an option. Period. So I can't just sit and snuggle my day away. I have to be productive whenever given the chance. The big kids help throughout all of this, while we also try to balance their ability to be "kids" and enjoy the nice day, playing with neighbors, and videogames.
One thing that seems to be communicated in one way or another, is that if you don't attend all your kids' functions and cheer them on, they won't think you ever supported them and that they possibly don't love you at all. (I may be exaggerating a tad...but the pressure as a parent to attend everything for our kids is REAL.) We've had to back off that. I hate the disappointment in Jackie's eyes when I tell her one of us won't be able to come to her band concert at the end of the year because taking twins to a crowded gym for a band concert (at their bedtime) sounds about as much fun as having a root canal. The babies' bed time is between 6:30 and 7:00 right now and the big kids are just heading to sports practices and beginning homework at that time and begging to play outside with the neighbors.
Ethan and I said, early on, that having these babies didn't mean our big kids' lives would stop. They still get to do their "thing." It may just mean that they have to catch a ride with a friend or only have one parent there to cheer them on. Hopefully they know how much we love and support them, even if we're not physically there in the stands.
Challenge #3: Sleep.
Have you ever been so tired that your eyes burn and your arms tingle as you try to raise them? I hit that stage a couple weeks ago. We have been STRUGGLING with getting these kiddos to sleep consistently. I made the mistake earlier this week and thought..."well, it can't get much worse..." Izzy MUST have been reading my thoughts and countered with a "oh yeah...hold my bottle."
You know what's worse than one fussy baby crying at night. Two of them crying at the same time. I do my best to try to get to the fussy baby before he/she can wake the other. This goes against all sleep advice of "let the baby fuss for a bit" before tending to him/her. I've tried letting them both "fuss/cry it out" and that resulted in 3 out of the 4 big kids coming in to my room at 2 AM to tell me the babies are crying and they can't sleep either. So "Cry it out" isn't an option either.
Currently Izzy will not sleep longer than 2 1/2 hours at night. (last night she was up every hour and a half). Gabe will sleep in 3 hour stretches at night, but likes to be WIDE awake randomly from 2:00 AM to 4:00 AM. Up by 6:00 every day. Izzy will sometimes make it to 7:00...but rarely. Naps are 45 minutes to an hour (if I'm lucky). Some nights I see every hour on the clock. Those are increasing. Next we add in teeth FINALLY breaking through the surface of Gabe's gums. But that means more sleep interruptions, early wake ups and short naps.
I have read everything out there on sleep training (mostly for single babies and families with 1-2 kids) and it's just not something we can commit to. It requires a pretty regimented schedule and sleep routine, which is pretty much impossible for our home at the moment. Sleep consultants, like to tempt tired parents with "THE trick to get your baby to nap" headlines and then "pay me $500.00 for me to tell you the strategies that I used with both my kids...AND your baby will STILL go through periods of not sleeping well...because ALL babies go through various phases." - - Sheesh! Don't EVEN get me started.
Our problems are unique to us and they are temporary. I know this, but it doesn't make the exhaustion any easier. I'm grumpy and have no energy beyond the MUST do's around our house. I WANT to go for walks and enjoy the few nice days we get here. I WANT to organize my closet. I WANT to take AJ to the park with the babies. I WANT to start exercising and lifting weights...but right now I just can't do it. I'm tired. I want to be in a better mood during breakfast when AJ seems to have all the energy in the world...and the volume to go with it. (no coffee can prepare your for his energy at 6:30 AM).
It WILL get better...I will sleep again one day... For now, it's just how things are.
I have a teacher friend who, after hearing my stories from home (with only four kids mind you), would jokingly say "you're a walking advertisement for birth control." HAHA!
The thing is...it's much easier for people to understand the funny situations and statements kids say and the difficulties than it is to explain how a baby smile or laugh can make up for an entire day (or night) of hardships.
The good things, the feel-good things, don't come at a one-to-one ratio with the challenges. That's why when we're older...we miss our kids when they were little. Because the good things stick with us. Those cuddles, laughs, and sweet memories are at the forefront of our thoughts while we lose track of the number of times we were spit up on, changed a blow-out diaper, or weeks of interrupted sleep and exhaustion. There is so much more good that comes with babies, kids, and large families. It's just hard to convey those feelings aloud.
Seven months in, Weber Haus is doing good, filled with laughter and love, and is exactly where we are supposed to be. Mama's just also tired. :)
